Did My Child Talk Today in Session?

"Did my child tell you about ....?" fill in the blank. This is a common question I get asked following a session. Sometimes your child wants to talk about things and sometimes they might not. Does that mean the session was a waste of time? Absolutely not! During a play therapy session the play therapist is working on several different things with your child sometimes in not so obvious ways. In this post we will take a look at some common "tools" that therapists use to facilitate growth and help children lean into healthier ways of functioning in their lives.

Why do we use play therapy when working with children? Have you (parent) ever asked your child, "Why did you do that?" only to be answered with a shrug, or maybe, "I don't know." I don't know many children, and most adults for that matter, who can logically explain why they did what they did, when they were feeling upset.

Play is a child's language and through play a child can work through problems alongside a trained play therapist. "Child-centered play therapy (CCPT) is a theoretically grounded and evidence-based intervention that recognizes the relationship between therapist and child as the primary healing factor for children who are experiencing emotional and behavioral challenges."

While from the outside looking in it might look a lot like "just playing" but there is so much more happening in a play therapy session. For example, the therapist works, throughout the session, to verbally "track" what the child is doing. Tracking shows that the child has the therapist's undivided attention, and that they matter and are important. Too often children feel invisible or unimportant.

Play therapists work to reflect and validate feelings in the session. A therapist might say, "You look frustrated that you can't make that work they way you would like." We are building emotional vocabulary and helping the child to connect they way they feel to the words the therapist is using. Sometimes a child might correct the therapist, "No, I am feeling angry." Validating your child's emotions is probably one of the most important things parents can do at home too!

Esteem building is another tool the therapist may use during a session. After noticing a child struggling to open something the therapist might say, "Wow, you worked really hard to get that open, and you did it!" Working through a difficult task and achieving it builds self-confidence. In session, I am always looking for ways to build a child's esteem, never praising a product or quality of something. Not, "Great job" but, "You feel proud! You drew that all by yourself!"

Choice-giving is another important component when working with children. A child might ask, "Where should I put this?" the therapist can answer with "That is something you can decide." This allows a child to feel capable in their own decision making skills and grow in confidence that they are capable of making decisions. This can also increase creativity and not allow the child to rely on other's answer before deciding themselves.

Can a child do whatever they want in the session? The answer is no, however, the play therapist will only set limits when limits are needed. If a child throws a toy during the session, a play therapist might say, "Toys are not for throwing." If the child chooses to ignore the limit and continues to throw toys, the therapist will respond with, "That toy is not for throwing, if you choose to throw that again, then you choose to lose playing with that toy for the rest of the session." Most children are able to regulate themselves and respond to the limit being set. The child is responsible for the choice to either throw the toy or not throw the toy, but they know the consequence for choosing to continue throwing the toy.

Are we having fun during our session? Most times, the answer is YES! Being playful and having fun with a child is important to establishing rapport and building trust!

This post focuses on Child Centered (or Non-Directive) Play Therapy. There are other ways of working with children in therapy. My particular approach uses a combination of non-directive and directive approaches. I use my therapeutic judgment and meet the child where they are at, determining whether or not to use directive interventions with the child. If you have questions about play therapy or therapy in general at The Oaks Counseling and Play Therapy, PLLC please reach out to us and we would be happy to speak with you.

References: Child Centered Play Therapy, Child Centered Article, 2019, DEE C. RAY, PHD, LPC-S, RPT-S & GARRY L. LANDRETH, EDD, LPC, RPT-S